


New Balance

by blackbarbie21



Category: Shameless - Fandom
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Mickey’s journey to freedom, Season 1, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:20:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22515376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackbarbie21/pseuds/blackbarbie21
Summary: The journey that Mickey took to accept affection and love and how Ian helped him to get there. A look into how they balance each other out.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 7
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

Boundaries. Lines. Rules. Three of the most important words Mickey thought he'd ever learn in his life.

Setting boundaries kept guys, well the two guys that he did sleep with at bay. He liked to keep talking to a minimum. There was absolutely no cuddling before or after sex. Anything that seemed like it was too intimate was off limits for Mickey. Intimacy made Mickey uncomfortable. He hated to even think about what that word meant.

Lines, hell that was self explanatory. You cross a line with Mickey and he's done with you. He made it crystal clear that he wasn't a challenge. Nobody was going to break down his walls. Rules were stated before any fucking began. There was no way he'd risk getting caught by his dad. As far as his dad knew he was a straight, good for nothing thug just like him. He planned to keep it that way.

But Mickey had dreams, fantasies of what his life could be like if he was somewhere else. In his dreams he was free to love who he wanted. He accepted affection and gave it right back. He was honest about what he desired in bed. There were hands roaming, touching him everywhere in his dreams. Lips, smiling widely at him like he deserved all of the good things life had to offer. Mickey loathed these dreams. All it did was remind him of the things he'd never have. Because in reality he was running from who he truly was. In reality he’d stomp anyone out for even thinking that he’s gay. Mickey figures it was for the best though. He'd rather deprive himself from love if it meant staying alive for one more day.

Then, this gangly redhead decides to show up and threaten all that he's built. Mickey can't fully blame Ian though. He was the one that told him "You know where I live if you have a problem." Truth be told, he just wanted to see how far Ian would go.

Mickey didn't know why he kept him around after that first fuck. Maybe it was because Ian wasn't scared of him. He actually fought him to get the gun back. That took guts. It was impressive to say the least. And that was all it took for him to get hard. Then he was on top of him and then clothes were being thrown off and then he was laying on his stomach waiting for Ian to slide between his dirty legs and fuck him good and hard.

The sex was great, but the extra stuff that Ian was trying pull was not. Mickey cursed himself for not telling him the rules first, but it's not like they were given a chance. Things just started happening and they kept happening and he didn't have a chance to get his bearings.

He made sure that Ian knew what his boundaries were though. He also told him what lines he couldn't cross. And he thought Ian was listening when he told him these things the first time they fucked at the Kash & Grab. He had to have been listening Mickey thought. Ian gave him all of his attention. The way Ian looked at him that day made Mickey quite uncomfortable. His eyes had so much light in them and his lips were slightly parted. He was looking at Mickey like he was beautiful or something so he left immediately after he finished his speech. Then that damn Gallagher had to say "So..guess this was like a bootycall huh?" He wanted to say something so bad, but talking leads to feelings and he didn't need any more complications in his life.

Ian never stopped testing his boundaries and the lines were starting to blur. Like today while they were in the cooler at Kash & Grab and Mickey was trying his best to get the fuck out of there but Ian and his stupid fucking questions stopped him in his tracks.

"Damn what's with the 3rd degree? Is this the first 48?" Mickey asked out of breath. He finished zipping up his black pants and reached down to put his shoes on. He was always trying to catch his breath after sex with Ian. They moved so fast and frantically it was like running a 50 yard dash. They had to move fast though. He didn't have time for foreplay. There was no touching, teasing, squeezing. That was too much for Mickey. He had boundaries and he wasn't risking getting caught. _And now Ian wants to play 20 fucking questions. No way. There's nothing to say. I'm not that special._

Ian sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "I was just....you know..we're what? We're friends right, like buddies?" He twisted his hands together nervously. Licked his lips. Took a step forward then took two steps back. He took a deep breath and just went for it. "I just wanted to talk." We still have some time to kill before Kash comes back. I thought you'd wanna stay an extra 5 minutes at least. Not run off like you always do." Ian tried to use his words as carefully as possible. He didn't want what they had to end. Which was very little if you ask him.

The first couple of times they hooked up Ian was so entranced with the way Mickey's legs spread wider to welcome him in, the way he would bite his lips as he tried and failed to not make a sound as Ian went deeper, and the way his hands trembled as he pulled his pants back up when it was over. Mickey was so responsive and so stubborn at the same time. Because Ian wanted more. He wanted to touch Mickey everywhere and devour him. He wanted to try new positions. Everything was too quick and too repetitive. They barely even talked after. Ian knew this just wasn't his raging hormones talking. He was starting to care. And he wanted to **_show_** Mickey how much he cared.

Mickey looked up from tying his shoes and said "Look I thought I was clear man. We are fuck buddies. He raised up his index finger. "Fuck" Then his middle finger as he said "Buddies" "Not talk buddies, study buddies, singing buddies, whatever the fuck. If you wanna ask me a question you can ask me for a cigarette, a lighter, or some weed. And really your start up question was "What's your favorite food?" He shook his head "I could've done better."

Ian smirked "Oh so you do know how to talk to people." He stepped closer to Mickey. Invading his personal space. Making him nervous. Making this cooler feel 100 degrees warmer.

“Soo what would you have have asked huh? Something like "What strain of weed would you like to try next?"

 _I actually wanna know that. But weed talk would lead to a deeper conversation and that can't happen._ He pushed Ian away from him lightly "Fuck off Gallagher. See, look we talked! I gotta go."

He walked out the cooler and left the store. Ian smiled watching him go. Thinking. Wondering. Daydreaming. Imagining more short conversations.


	2. Puppy Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey is crushing. Ian is crushing. One is trying to hide it better than the other. Then life crushes both of them.

Two days later Ian was sitting on the couch at the Milkovich house waiting for Mandy. They were going to get some snacks from the liquor store on Ogden. It was only a three minute walk so Ian didn't know why Mandy bothered to do anything to her eyes. They were still doing this whole fake relationship stunt. Ian really didn't mind. Guys left Mandy alone and Ian got to see his guy more. Win win. Speaking of, Mickey came out of his room and plopped down on the couch next to Ian. _Right_ next to Ian. Their arms and legs were touching **_again_**. Ian was on fire. Being this close to Mickey outside of sex always makes him giddy inside.

Mickey nodded at him. "What's up?" _Woah, what's up? No faggot at the end? Interesting_.

Ian was surprised he spoke to him at all. It's usually awkward silence until Ian conjures up something to say which is usually along the lines of "Its cold or "I have a lot of homework" or "So you know me and Mandy are not really together right it's all fake" or Mickey's favorite "Kash is gonna be leaving around 5 tomorrow you wanna uh you know stop by maybe?"

Mickey likes how nervous Ian gets around him. Makes him feel like he still has the upper hand in this. Whatever this is. Sure as hell not a relationship.

Ian looks at him curiously "Uhh hey. I'm just waiting on Mandy. We're going to get some snacks." Ian doesn't know what to do with his hands. He settles for crossing them in his lap. He doesn't want to touch Mickey by mistake.

Mickey rolls his eyes "Chill the fuck out man I didn't think you were here for me." _Why would he be here for me? I'm not that important._ “So what you getting? Some slim jims? Mini donuts? Pizza rolls?"

Ian smiled. _He saw me scarfing down those donuts at the store before we fucked the other day._ Ian wasn't going to tell him that though. Instead he says "Yeah probably, if they have some left. Might get some slim jims too. I could share some with you...If you want."

Mickey picked up the video game controller and kicked his feet up on the table as he says "Whatever man it's your money. Do what you want." Ian laughs. _Okay._ It's not a yes but it'll do. Mickey's body language is saying I don't care but his blue eyes are saying yes. Ian's not going to push it. He just looks at the game Mickey is playing on tv.

Mandy finally emerges from her room with a new winged eyeliner look. She has some purple streaks in her hair today and it's pulled up in a half ponytail. "Hey assface I hope you were being nice to my boyfriend. Come on Ian. We're playing the game too when we get back." She wraps her scarf around her neck and heads toward the door. Mickey scoffs "Fuck you and him!" He's focused intently on the game now. Ian pushes his legs down and follows Mandy out the door.

Mickey pauses the game as soon as they leave. He didn't know why he decided to engage in any sort of conversation with Ian. Ian just has this thing that makes you want to talk to him. His dorky smile, those innocent looking eyes, and that laugh. God that laugh. It's better than any 80's song he's ever heard. Mickey closes his eyes and tries to think. Daydreaming. Imagining all the long conversations he could have with Ian.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One month. It's been one month since Mickey went to jail after the Kash incident and Ian really missed Mickey. Just when he thought this thing with Mickey might actually be **_something_** the universe had to throw a wrench in it.

Obviously the universe had it out for Ian. Things were always being taken from him. He lost his mother, father, and his innocence and he wasn't even sixteen yet. Monica and Frank weren't dead but they might as well be. They floated in and out of his life like ghosts. Always leaving, then moaning and groaning to come back.

Work was a welcome distraction until he started fucking Kash. He didn't even know why he started fucking him. Kash was just the first guy to show him attention. Sure it was only because he wanted to have sex with Ian, but it was attention all the same. He told him how good of a job he was doing in the store. He told Ian by the time he was 17 he'd fill out real good which was weird given his age but Ian didn't mind because finally someone besides his sister was giving him compliments. And he got some really nice clothes out of it too. In a way, he was relieved that Linda found out because things were just starting to get too weird. He just wished he wouldn't have dragged Mickey into his drama.

Ian tried to find solace in his siblings. It was only fleeting though. Liam, Debbie, and Carl were too young to help him work through all the drama in his life. Fiona and Lip had their own drama going on. Plus he didn't think Fiona would be too happy to hear about his crush on a Milkovich. Lip surely gave him shit about it when they were following Monica around the neighborhood earlier. Lip just snickered and asked ignorant questions like "Who's the girl in the relationship?" Ian gave him a deadpanned look and said "We're both guys and it's just sex. Please stop talking."

At least he had a real friend in Mandy. They did homework together, fought over James Franco, and Mandy liked to put eyeliner on Ian sometimes. Their friendship has been in a weird place though since he started hooking up with Mickey. Mandy's been pressing him for a name ever since she found out he dropped Kash and got on someone new. He wants to tell Mandy, but he knows it's not only his story to tell. She'll just have to wait until Mickey's ready.

The day he found out that Monica was back it was more than just sex for both of them. Monica coming back knocked the wind out of all of The Gallagher's. But he didn't want to wrap his arms around Debbie or get hugs from Fiona. He wanted, no, **_needed_** to be in the presence of the only person he wanted to tell all of his secrets to.

Ian ran to Mickey and he didn't turn him away. Ian was so overwhelmed and emotional that he didn't even notice the look of care and concern Mickey had in his eyes but he did notice two things. He knew his schedule and he made plans to meet him at the store in twenty. That made his heart swell. And when they were in the cooler and Mickey said "Fucking Monica right? You know we can do this shit however you want. I know you need this." Ian's heart turned to mush because Mickey just wanted to be there for him in any way. He was willing to overstep one of his own boundaries just to make Ian feel better. But Ian just bit his lip and put his hands on Mickey's hips and turned him around. He didn't want to use this situation to get something out of Mickey. That's not why he ran to him. 

So there they were in the midst of complete bliss. Holding hands, panting heavily, and gradually getting louder as they were about to reach their climax together - Then fucking Kash opened the door abruptly and ruined it. After that everything went to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guessed that a month had passed because Kash was putting money on Mickey’s books & Mickey was also waiting on his sentencing in episode 10. 
> 
> Kash preying on Ian. Trash. Wish he would’ve went to jail. 
> 
> Anyways I really appreciated all of the Kudos and comments on my first chapter! I really was nervous because I haven’t written anything in a while. Next chapter will come sometime this week or over the weekend.


	3. Torn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian is making Mickey feel things that he doesn’t want to feel.

The Kash incident is all he can think about as he waits for Mickey to sit down and pick up the phone. _He's in here because of me. I can't believe punk ass Kash shot him._

When Mickey was settled they both reached for the phone.

Mickey's trying his best to be nonchalant and ignore how happy he is to see Ian. He was kind of banking on Ian coming since the possibility of anyone in his family being there for him was a big fat zero. And he wasn't stupid; he knew about Ian's stupid crush. _He's probably working double to put money on my books._

"Thanks for putting money in my commissary account. I was running low on smokes." _Gallagher still looked like a fucking dork with his floppy red hair and his green puppy dog eyes, and his red freckles that decorated his face. How can someone be so adorable?_

Ian shakes his head "Not me. Kash. I told him you might still press charges." Mickey looks him over. _Impressive. This little fucker is good._ "Thanks." He means it. He's starting to smile so he quickly ducks his head so Ian won't notice. Ian definitely notices because he's starting to smile too.

“How long?" Ian asks, eyes searching Mickey's face hoping for a good answer. Mickey didn't understand why Ian cared about him so much. He didn't even know if he was planning on fucking Gallagher anymore honestly. Things were getting too...complicated

“Supposed to be a year, right? Maybe only a couple months if I don't do anything stupid."

"Like what?"

"Like stab that fat fuckin' mick who keeps trying to steal my Jell-O!" Mickey yells leaning back to address the culprit directly.

"Who?! Me?!"

“Yeah!" "Fuck you!" _Benny was the biggest fuck twad in here. Always trying to steal food from somebody when he needed to be lifting weights._

Mickey turned back to Ian. He didn't think there was anything more that needed to be said. He figured the conversation was over but then Ian's mouth is moving again and his eyes are searching Mickey's face for something and now Mickey is squirming on the inside because as usual Ian is saying something dumb.

“I..I miss you." _This fucking kid man_

"You say that again, I'll rip your tongue out of your head." Mickey thinks he's lost his touch with his threats because Ian's giving Mickey the biggest smile he's ever seen. Like they just shared an inside joke or something. Like Mickey just told Ian that he misses him too but in his own way. His green eyes are shining and his cheeks look like they're about to fall off if he doesn't stop smiling so widely. Mickey can't look him in the eye. He's not used to being looked at like that. It's making him smile and he hates it so he looks away again but turns back just in time to see Ian putting his hand on the glass. Still wearing that same fucking smile just for him. 

And even though he told Ian to take his hand off the glass, there was a tiny part of him that wanted to lift his hand too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mickey was wide awake when the lights went out at 11:00 to signal bedtime. The visit from Ian had him torn. A part of him was grateful that Ian had come to see him. Seeing his goofy face was just the pick me up he needed because jail was quite exhausting. You always had to be on high alert and show the other inmates that you were not to be fucked with. He'd rather be back home facing the wrath of his piece of shit father. He laughed bitterly at the thought because that's how shitty his life was.

The other part of him was angry that he let this thing with Gallagher get this far. He wasn't gay. He couldn't be gay. He just liked what he liked. He liked the feeling of being stretched out, loved the burn that slowly transformed into immense pleasure, and he loved being bent over. That didn't make him gay, just horny.

Showing affection and love to another guy was gay in Mickey's eyes. He didn't understand why two guys wanted to hold hands or kiss each other's cheeks in public. His dad always said that people like that were asking for a beating on the Southside. Anything that seemed too feminine was gay to Terry and he made sure Mickey knew it. Mickey shuddered and pulled the sheet over him as he remembered how his dad walked in on him and Ian the first time they had sex. He thought he'd have to fight to the death that day. For him and Ian. Mickey closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep. _Maybe being locked up in here isn't so bad after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can’t wait to start writing about them falling in love over the summer. That’ll be coming soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are welcome! Next chapter coming soon


End file.
